Saturday, April 9, 2011

December 12, 2010

I am currently at Acorn community.

I am on my last week of the three week visit. I came here right after my visitor period at Twin Oaks. I found out last week that I was accepted for membership at Twin Oaks.

It was a stressful three weeks there. I really wanted to live there, and was worried I wouldn't get accepted, plus I was dealing with, my partner, Joshua's new romantic relationship, which was hard for me.

Joshua and I were the only visitors who got accepted to Twin Oaks out of the five people who applied. I was really surprised.

I told my life story at Acorn last week. It was less painful than when I told it at Twin Oaks.

I am currently doing "clearnesses" at Acorn. I talk one on one with each member and ask how co* feels about living with me. Does this person have any concerns? And vice versa. I had two clearnesses so far and they went well. I am very interested in knowing how people feel about me living here, and getting the opportunity to talk to people about any concerns I might have about living with them. I love the open and honest face to face communication. It can be scary, but I think it is great for resolution.

I am sad about leaving so soon because there are some people here I really like, and want to develop more connection with.

Some things I noticed that might be difficult for me living here:

High amount of computer usage
Few substance-free group activities.
It is sometimes difficult to see what needs to be done, besides cleaning and cooking. There is not always seed packing available.
Little group work.
Almost zero scheduled work.
No large indoor space for dance and yoga, like the Bijou at Twin Oaks.

Some things that would work well for me living here:

More freedom to cook whatever I want.
More freedom to work on whatever I want.
Face to face communication.
Two meetings a week.
The Seed Company is a business I strongly support.
I really enjoy working with the seeds.
There is a puppy and a dog and cats who are cuddly, loveable, and fun to play with.

I love pulling carrots, and working in the garden.
I really like cooking.
The Living Energy Farm project has been fun.

I have been practicing daily meditation and yoga. It has decreased my anxiety somewhat, and I am often more aware of when I am having repetitive, worrisome, and negative self talk-type thoughts. It has been easier to let go of these thoughts.

I am excited about a new relationship. It just recently turned into a long distance relationship. It has definitely not been as fun since it became long distance.

I recently have had feelings of loneliness and insecurity when Joshua spends time with his new partner. I think I am coping well right now. He has zero issues with my other relationship, which is great!

I am excited to go home for Christmas! And see Joshua's family too! And then back to East Wind community, and then I will return to Virginia for my new life and home either at Twin Oaks or Acorn.

I am not going to make a decision on where I want to live until I find out if I get accepted for membership at Acorn. I want to visit Little Flower when I come back, the Catholic Worker farm in Virginia.


*co -gender neutral pronoun used commonly in FEC communities.

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